


The Two Children

by memequisitor



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-07-26 14:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7578169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memequisitor/pseuds/memequisitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An amalgamation of different characters interacting. Batjokes smut in the second chapter!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intoductions

It had been many moons tsince the last big event has happened in the universe... bat man is patrolling the streets of his fine fair city, watching out for crime. Suddently, he sees a very omnious figure apear out of the alleyway. He is a long tall man with weak arms and weak lebs and weak torse. he has bright clothes and bright hair. He thinks it is Joker!

"What are you doing at my city?" Batman asks, Joker. 

"Excuse me? Who is Joker i'm Jackie! The Jokester!" The jonkster winks and Batman blushes a little. He knows him of old. They were partners once, partners in crime fighting . Very close...

"Oh Jokester ha ha I didn't see you there, what are you doing here my old friend and chum." Batman says. Jokester laughs. "Egg removal, my boy friend has an egg up my ass he put it there for fun. Not a good time!" Batman nods. "I understand. I Must Go To the batcage to allevitate my fears of the Joken coming back. Would you like to come?"

"Ok." And off the two ex-partners went to the batcave. 

The batcave is cold and large and dark, darker than night darker than souls. It is very high-tech but.... sorrowful. Lonely. Jackie feels a pang of melancholy when he looks at the tall metal beams supporting the infrastructure of the Caped Crusader's hideout. "It's dark."

"Yes I know I built it myself," says batman. "yes I did yes I did." He starts typing on the batcomputer making it whitr and whirr until it can whirr no longer and a lound ping awakens the innter detective in Batman. "Joker! He's here according to the Bat computer!"

Suddenly... Jackie sprung out of his clothes and wigg!! "YES I AM JOKER" he says. "IT WAS A PLOY TO GET TO YOUR INNER SANCTUARY !"

"Oh f**k..." Batman says

"YSS YOU HAD BETTER FUCK ME!" "No" "HA HA FOOLS ON YOU!!! WE ALREADY HAVE AN MPREG" He takes out of his waist cincher and out sprung a soft round baby belly. He laughs evilly, (hes evil).

"GOODNESS!" Shoulds batman, enough to wake Dorian Pavus and Alred from their slumber. "What's the matter master" Alfred asks sleepily. 

"Joker is pregnant with our child..." Batman says sheepishly. 

"OHHHH NOOOO GWAAAAAAAAAAR" Alfred yells. Dorian pays his back. 

"It's okay sweetie pie, it's alright. I am here." Dorian says. Alfred is soothed ffrom his reptilian rage and calms down. Batman sighs. He says, it is difficult. Joker is still laughing. 

"This mean's youre my alpha forever, Batman... or do I mean,, BRUCE FORSYTH!" Joker SHOUTS. Beruce gasps. 

"How did You know my secret identitiy..."  
"I took a paternity test."  
"Oh."

Batman sighs and shakes his head. "How will we look after the baby?! We are always fighting... you are my nemesis... how will we cope?"

Suddernly dualscar, the mighty oprhaner, appears. "Hey guys," he says, "you can totally be datin' and hatin'. It's called kismesissitude. Trust me, I'm an alien."

Joker yells in Rage. "YOU FOOL!! I WAS GOING TO GET A DIVORCE NOW YOU HAVE RUINIED IT!!" He stabd Dualscar. 

"JOKER YOU FOOL HE NEEDS TO GO TO HOSPITAL." Dorian shouts. He picks up the big hink of man and runs to horspital.


	2. Death of a Truste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad shocking things hapen... and ahab syndrome write!

Dualscar is in he hospital and he's not doing very well. The doctors say that he is sunfering very much because of Jokkers rash, harnsh decisions...... he is crying every day and night he has been there it is been absolutely bad it is terrible. 

Jooken doedn't really care. He is laughing because of how much Dualscar is hurnting because he's a smelly little man. Dorian, and the rest, of the boys, are very upset with him and do not talk to him not even his boy friend Batman aka Adam West. It is okay... he has not bronken any laws or anything. Unles...

Batman rings up his very helpful friend Harvey Dant. He gives him some legal advice on how to get rid of Jojook lawfully becaue he does not want to break any laws at all. He is not a bad person Harvey dent whispers some thing in his ear which helps him alot.... he smiles. "Thank you, my dearest friend..."

Batman storms into the Joker very angrily. "YOU FPOL! You have violated the law! You must go to the Arkham right now?"

"But, my darling dearest, whatt laws have I brokken? Im being perfectly legal, it is legal in Gotham to stab aliens. Duh!"

"No you fool... you trespassed! Now it is time to go to jail you filthy rotter you foolish man you horrible little babyman."

Joker ganped. "CURSES!! I HAVE BEEN CON FOUNDED AGAIN! I CANNOT BELIEV THIS I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS THE ONE CHINK IN MINE ARMOUR AND IT HAS BEEN TORNE OPEN... OH BOO HOO" he sobs. Bantman knows he is lyeng. He panches joker and he falls onto the Flor. the fight viciously. 

Meanwhile...

Janckie the good boy is sitting on the wdge of dualscars bed. Han cock and deadpool are there too. And Dorian Pavus. And Alfred the butler. And Rabin. They are all worried... they all give him a kiss on the lips. SUDDENLY Duanscar starts lifting up and glowing like in Shrenk when Shrek kisses Fiona. He is healed! He descends a god. "Hello my loving friends and lovers... I am awake. it is time to do justice." he ap pears and shoots his laser fissions. Donna apears and frown at Doalscar.  
"hey thats my job" Done frowns. Her eyebrow furrows as she speak.  
"shut up" dknna shuts up and leafs. 

Jooker is paralysed by Dualscar piercing gaze. Batman grabs onto him and arrest hima nd puts him into Arkham. The evel is defeated and he is locked up. Joken cries a bit. 

Harley stare at her ex lover. she is mad at hem for ever leaving her and also for being mena to her like he alwaes is. She gets a knife from the Arkham kitchen and then kjlls him in the neck with the knife she is hangry. She laughes........ she has won him. 

The pilice call Batman and say "hello listen... your boyfrend, the Joker, is dead, come see his corpse ok"

James Gordon is waiting for him outside the morgue at Arkham Asylum. As the years wear on, his fatigue begins to show in the lines in his face and the graying of his hair. Gotham's climactic affairs, the mass deaths, the bloody spectacles, the senseless destruction take a toll on a man in his position. But the quiet moments such as these are no more merciful then any other. The question of what the effect will be, what it meant, or if it meant anything at all, tends to linger in one's mind long after the gore is scraped off of the crime scene. There is a grim expression on the commissioner's face that says that he doesn't know how to feel about tonight's events. 

"He was found dead in his cell a few hours ago." He says as they enter the facility, his hands in his jacket pockets. "Multiple stab wounds in his neck. No visible signs of a struggle."

"Someone surprised him."

"That's what we think." Jim sighs, "The angle and the number of wounds doesn't indicate a suicide, but we aren't sure how someone got into his cell without being caught on surveillance. I've got people looking into that now."

Waiting for them inside the morgue is a stout woman in a white lab coat, who quickly introduces herself before leading them into the room where they're keeping the body, wasting no time in further explaining the situation. "Time of death is estimated to be around eight o'clock to nine in the evening, no signs of trauma outside of the wounds in his neck. Nothing to suggest a struggle..." The discussion is very clinical, detached, and even as Bruce is categorizing each piece of information and forming a picture in his head of what's happened, he can hardly believe that any of it is real. 

They approach the table, and she pulls the sheet to reveal the Joker's remains. Part of him had been expecting a fake. Something to keep them occupied during some sort of breakout attempt. But that isn't what he finds here. Only a husk scraped clean of whatever might have been worth saving within. There is no big scheme, no grand finale, no bow before the final curtain call. 

"We'll be taking the body back to the GCPD to have our medical examiner take a closer look at it. There's something missing here that we aren't seeing." Gordon says, looking over the corpse again as if reassuring himself that it's there. He hasn't fallen off a ledge or disappeared under the rubble of a building or narrowly escaped some conflict bearing a fatal wound. There is no 'maybe' this time.

It was only a few days ago that he dropped him off here himself. 

"I want to see the surveillance." Bruce says. It's a good minute or so before he can take his eyes off of the gashes in Joker's neck. But when he does, he observes that the rest of him is relatively untouched. The pallor of his skin doesn't change with death, leaving him looking nearly the same as ever, if one were to ignore the stab wounds. "And I want to have a look at him myself before you take him to the police department."

There's a moment of hesitation before Jim mutters in the affirmative, "Take a few minutes, then. Officers Bird and Roberts will be here to get him in about ten minutes." and they give him the room, heading out through the double doors and leaving him some time to himself.

Bruce's arms remain at his sides, unmoving. Joker isn't wearing his lipstick, that's the other main difference. Obviously they wouldn't give him any in here, but it's nearly unnatural to see him without it, be it neat and newly applied, or smeared across his bloody mouth after the vicious confrontation signalling the end of a very long night.

Some of those nights had felt longer than others.

_Joker licks a speck of blood from his bruised lips, a breathy chuckle escaping him as he leans down to kiss him again. Gentle this time, like a lover instead of an enemy. He looks all the more unnatural like this, stripped bare of his vibrant attire, colorless skin wrapped over sharp, protruding bones. He can feel his hand on him again and Bruce aches with the desire to touch him. To pull his slender frame against his own and run his fingers over the scar tissue marring his skin._

_"Oh Batty Boy, if you could see yourself now." He croons, his breath hot on Bruce's cheek. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this pretty cock of yours."_

It'd felt like the end of everything, even at the time. He still doesn't know what to do now that it finally is.

thenks donna....


	3. This Is The Four Chapter!"

Batman is still morning the loss of his beautiful baby husband boy. he is criyng and crying and cring until he cannot use his tears any longer because he has all ran out of them . Alfred is worried for his sweet, soft manster and asks dorian about it. "Dorian should I confront him about his sad feelings" "no, do not, instead, kiss me" "okay, my love" they kiss tenderly, soft lips on soft lips, moustaches gentle intertwining, grey on deep browne. It's hot x3

Doalscar is resiging as a god over the batcave. He is watching over the Robins and making sure they do not get into mischief... a difficult task, as these young ones are rather prone to a little bit of fooleshness... He and the Rabanos are friends and they are good friends and he is a hpapy and benelovent god because he has his ten boy friends to look after an dprotect him. Who watches the watchman. Jackie is playing a kazoo. he isa good boy and playing a good song and everyhone is applauding...... except Jacson.   
"  
That was a stupid song for little boys," Jason says cruelly. 

"We are all am having a good TIME until you show up and ruin all yhe fun times we have here together you hneed to go to the gloom town for the broody boys before I give you the ald tazzle drwazzle"Jackie dances and hops and twirl around as he speak, intimidating Jasco with his sweet soft dance move.

"Myabe I was the stupid song all along.... mayne I was the little boy....... NOT! You stink, panky boy!" Jason holers, laughing very loudly and cruelly. He may be scared but he is no coweard, not at all, he is not afraid of anything, ever, not anymore, he's just not scared.

"Ohhhh you really are, squite the little Nelly! Nelly ngative, that is!" Jackie wave his finger as he does a backflip. Jason shakes his head and then stalk off to go have fun on line on the internet where he can be his true self..... he playes, the hit game Over Watch (sout out to Blizzard! THenk you fro the good game my solid friends (: ) Sundenly, my fav ourite cahracter from the game, Zendaya, ap pear. He does meditation in the bat cave over Bruce and heal his spirit magically. Brunch is very surpirse, he thouhg he was going to get a hallucination of Jonk l ike from the game, which is popular, of Arkahm Knite. 

"Thank you my new friend robot.... you are a kind and gentle soul you have easied my worries and make me not sad even not about my parents who have direed because they are dead. Thank you i can live a happy life in peace ad the Bat MAn but also as my self because I am at one with my alter ego now becasue of youre sweet soothing medication."

"you're welcome," zendaya says, and than leaves. Batman put on the cawl and grunts. "Come on Robins its time to play in the Big boy city." He leaves the bat cave with all fifteen Robans all at once. they go and fight crime like then Penguins who is a really bad man and also he fakes to be British even though he's NOT because he's a lying smelly man and I hate him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------~----------------

Dead pool is out in the city doing his thing which is killing people for money. He is kising Deadpot becase they are the same except one has skin dieasesesand one does not. They are shoting people left right an dcenter! they are geting paid which makes both of these mercentaries hot and happy. Suddently, a shadow blotted out the sun. Wand looked up at the sky and saw, fiftenn robins! A whole flock! He take a photo on his Smart Phone. Deadpots says "oh no I am not paied for this even though i want to Kill batman I am going to leave this is nott worth the hassle thank you very much" And deadpool cries because he has lost his friend. He soots at a Roben and they fall out of the sky, only to be swooped up by Super Men. "Sorry boy \But not today!" He fixes Robin. Robin flies again, whole and sound. "I have to kill Super man," Wadd thinks .

BAt man swears he just saw Wade distrubing the peace! He flies down grace fully and hten kicks him square in the chest, as his inhibitions have been realeased thanks to Zendaya. "What are you doin in this city don't you know this si my town." Soup Man descend next to him but the Robin boys stay in the sky, watching, like eagles, although they are robings. Wade takes his chanc to shoot at SupeoriorMan right in the fore hea. It bounced off. "Oh, F@!@k"   
"LANGUAGE YOU HORIBLE LITTLE MAN" Bamtan shouts good really loud. "I AM BAT MAN YOU DO BNOT HSHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT WAY I AM UPSENT THAT YOU EVER DO THIS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE WHY WOUDL WOU SWARE IN FRONT OF ME LIKE THIS YOU LITTLE HORRIBLE LITLE MAN WHY"  
"fuck you" Wade says and wiggles. he kills upser man with his big strong wiggles.   
"Oh No I'm Melting!" Supernan screams.

What iwll happen next..... find out..... later...........  
int he next chapter.......  
same... bat-time............. same........ bat-fanfic.........


	4. The Fourth Chater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey boys

Batman wanted some rest. but he was like 'no I need to do justice and fight crime and do all the thing i beed t o do to be a crim fiter"

super said okay


	5. A BAd Miller ap pears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks for alle the help guys!

Super has just went and died. It was very socking. Wade laughs evelly because he is just killed the one and only Supper man. Now everyone will be hungree forever. Bateman is crying becuse his best man too his wedding died and now he will be lobeley forever.  
“Oh fuck nough,” baeman said sadly.  
“Hahahaha hahahahhahaha hahahahhaha hahaaaahahahahahhahahahaha “ Wade is laugh eviley. “Now you have to eat a rock becaus your best man is died. I know he si youre best man because i’m SIDEKICK!!!” Wade gets his gunch out and aimes it at batmans and his robins. The robins open their moths and there are MORE GUNS. “oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” batman says he is crying forever even harder because his ROBANS habve GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “BLPEASE put them away blease “  
WE CANANT “ THE ribins scrwam!!!!!!!! WADE HAS CONTROLLED THRM AMD PLANTED THE GUZNS!!!!!  
Oh boy Batman is really getting heatered up now! He looks wade, who im still laughing and also start eating on septicmans yummy juicy copse. BAtman leans over and SLAPS Wade! Doria the exploria GASPS  
“Howdy!” Dorian yels in pure terror.   
Hr is fallibg feom the sky!!! Oh but there is no rift opening now to save hom he canot leap into the Abyss if he is already in there ,,,,,..................................................... Then, the tinquisitor ap pears nd eats doria with his laser fissions! He’s nice and saf now because the Innqositor has asaved his life. “Thenks,” Dorian says. Inqositor funches him back up and then he is fine. DOrien is piss.  
“WAke i want you to die,” all the RObins say in unison. The robins turn their beajs?!!! Towards the inquisitirOOPS I DyIDNT SEE YOU TYPING no youre fine. Anyway they all dyiv bomb wade but wade has predicted this thanks to the Chaos Emerolds. “Ha Hya,2 wade says” evilly yet friendlyly byecause he is sytilll ago dod fried to the god that is Dualscar. Dualscar lookes very sad as he watches this from his God Lair. hes oymniscient so he can see it. Its ok  
they were gay. Ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. ay  
Aylfred. Kisses dyualscar, hyoly shit.  
Gueys im fuckigb sweating so muc im liek a uh what do you call it like the humid things they put frogs in at the aquarium GREENHOUSEno not that terrariums NO KEEP IT KEEP THE TEXT   
THE the batman he was crying but also sweating because its summer in a batsuit and its terrible and wet and he needs to he nees a shower breally bad like so badly how do you even clean the batsuit is it drycleaning??????????????????drink some milk pour milk on it you have to eat milk.   
ANYWAY bat man is crying and sweating and breathing really heavily hes dying so hard like his bes friend who is being eaten sudenly dioana ap pears and she is really fucking buff shes so bubgff an d so big and she just stares at wade and wade starts crying becasue sehses so strong and big whats her workout regime  
Wade starts to have a fuckng stroke because BEWBS but BUFf buobs its the best of both worlds, the Feemale and the uh Im a Bottom Bitch wake wilson. Wade says “uh um uhhhhhhhh uhh uh uhuh i m sorry for killing super man” and superman sits up becaus he isnt dead soup never expires if you know what i mean anyway he sits up and says  
“I’m Soup” and everyone laughs and wade is confused what is hapening what the ufkin is hapening where the shit is he why is he trapped in hell this isnt heim he cant control it everyone is laughinging and hed odesnt know why oh no oh no oh dear   
“Congrartulation wades you past the test.”  
Becausebecase bruce is a good boy a good ol boy he pats wade’s shoulder with a broom so he desnt actually ahve to touch soemmone and he says consolingly “its ok you’re my son now youll never have to cry again lmao that’s a lie everyone in my family cries”.   
“I love steve uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh same” squintsy says as he givesd steven his best friend a big ol hug” fuck youn   
Stevenson wraps squint in his big arms and guinsy syas “steve when did you get arm hair” and steven says, “hautily yet gentily.“  
wuindy says “ok, stop putting your fucking quotietion marks all over my shit”  
Stick says “oh okay”  
Anyway stick says “Quincy i”m love you very much as well my batcolongy brother. Sqeak sqeak morther fucker” and he gets a nice buig GUN and then eats it like the bad ass he is  
“Holy fuck i love my borther” Quench says  
Meanwhile Palfred was crying because he always wanted two sons and now he has two-three sons. Quuce and Beve and also Starvey. 

 

The portal opens up and out steps……………………………………………….. 

 

…………………………………………………...FRANK MILLER!!!  
Frank Iller steps out of the portal. He has a cigarette donging out of his mouth. It’s not a gay metaphor. It’s a dick metaphor but not a gay metaphor.   
He points his big fat gigantic masculine girthy gun at Bruceman.


End file.
